Ash '04: Someone Else's Mother

Ironic.

That's what it was. Truly, openly, brazenly ironic.

Ezra huffed a short laugh through his nose.

When arms tightened about him in question he shook his head slowly, using the gesture to nuzzle back into the chest cradling him. A broad hand patted over his where their other two were linked, resting on his thigh. The comfortable silence about them wasn't broken any further.

He took in a deep breath and let it out again, enjoying the sweet pungency of the evening air, alive with moisture and ozone. A storm was dancing in the distance, a great hulk of a beast with a blackened, bulbous body dwarfing the immensity of the sky, horns of lightning flaring as it raged.

It was a breathtaking sight.

Ezra felt no threat from it, no fear as he and his family watched its inexorable push cut across the desert. Even if it passed directly overhead he wouldn't worry; they'd simply take their enjoyment of it inside, baton down the hatches and make it an excuse to light the fire.

His sigh of contentment proved contagious. The chest his back was resting against expanded and lifted, followed with the tickle of an exhale playing against his ear. Ezra smiled. He ran his free hand along Vin's exposed forearm where it banded his middle, tracing the cords of tendons and veins, marveling anew at his man's beauty. Warmth invaded him when Vin leaned closer and he felt an answering smile through the kisses that were pressed against his neck, one after the other, deposited with light deliberateness and loving intent.

Ezra tightened his hand while the rest of him relaxed, allowing his head to loll until his forehead was cupped against Vin's neck, his cheek scraping the soft nap of Vin's t-shirt. He listened to the steady heartbeat that thrummed under his ear; the lightning he continued to delight in watching burst with sporadic, counter syncopation.

The lazy creak of the porch swing caught his attention. Ezra's soft smile gentled when he glanced over. Buck and Chris were in their favorite spot, one lanky body laid against another on the swing Chris had made years ago. It wasn't pretty - Chris was no fine carpenter - but it served its intended purpose unquestionably. There had been a great deal of grumbling about cramping oneself up just to recline on the old swing and that none bigger was to be found anywhere, so Chris had scowled with his particular, never-say-die hazel determination and a few days (and lots of lumber and cursing) later a seven-foot porch swing was born.

He watched them for a bit longer, enjoying the tableau of domestic bliss created both men would hiss in defiance against if the words were ever leveled at them. It wasn't like Buck and Chris weren't aware that they'd been tamed - but that didn't mean either had to admit it.

Chris was tucked against Buck, the longer, darker body enfolding him protectively. Now and again Buck would murmur something into Chris' ear; sometimes it was answered, sometimes Chris just smiled. Regardless Buck maintained his shushed prattle, hands nurturing the lean form snug to his. Chris just laid there basking in the glory, the quirk of a happy smile persistently holding court over his countenance.

Ezra grinned. If Buck weren't, well, Buck, he'd be such the tiresome cliché. A forthrightly loyal man filled to the brim with house-afire integrity and love just busting with anticipation to be let out, fruit from the loins of an honest to god hooker with the heart of gold.

Buck swore his mother had been a saint. Ezra had little reason to doubt it, though that didn't come from any misplaced, romantic notions. He couldn't for the life of him believe Buck's formative years had been pleasant or kind, hampered by the burden of a mother who tricked - sometimes from the very apartment the two shared in the back end of Las Vegas that no tourist ever saw.

The proof for Ezra wasn't in what Buck's mother had been - rather, what her son had become.

Somewhere along the way she'd managed to figure it out. Between the drugs that numbed her enough so she could keep selling it, the men who promised everything but after getting theirs would never stay and the unsurprising violence that found her life at a truncated end she'd given the world a boy who would grow into Buck Wilmington. A man who was, by all accounts in Ezra's book, one of the best that could be found.

Buck hadn't gotten that way on his own. Someone had instilled in him the beliefs he still held firm to with fierce conviction; someone's kind tolerance for others had granted Buck similar understanding. She might not have been a saint, but her willful achievement in spite of it all consecrated her just the same.

Good thing for Chris.

Ezra smiled. Good thing for them all.

He watched Chris stretch then shift to settle back against Buck. After a moment's pause Buck's hands continued where they'd left off, running the length of Chris' arms then traveling onward. Chris' eyes drooped and he snuggled further in.

When Ezra had arrived here the first time he'd learned something very quickly. Mrs. Larabee was a woman who cared about her family very much, but restrained would a generous assessment of how physically demonstrative a person she was.

It wasn't the same clear message of 'touch me not' that Maude had made pains for Ezra to understand from early on. More that she simply wasn't equipped to keep you feeling within a warm embrace even if you weren't being held tight - a condition that seemed to flow from Buck without hesitance or end.

Mrs. Larabee's touches came from other places. An immaculately kept home full of everything her family might need, always within reach and given without demand. Baked delicacies left on the counters to be eaten at all times, handled as something matter of fact instead of as a rare treat. Her genuinely warm, if somewhat distant, acceptance of Ezra each and every time he'd arrive on the ranch.

Her approach made Chris' ways of doing things no great mystery.

Chris laughed at something Buck said, then he caught one of the wandering hands to hold, keeping them firm and still against his chest. Buck rested his cheek against Chris' hair, for the moment pausing his one-sided dialogue.

Ezra shook his head with a smile.

Buck gave and Chris took; Buck needed to give and Chris had to learn to take; Buck needed to learn he didn't always have to give and Chris needed to learn he didn't always have to appear as if he wasn't needing.

They were perfect for each other.

Ezra rolled his head and looked back out into the wild, eyes darting about to chase the flashes of brilliant light that ricocheted through the indigo clouds. The hand in his continued to hold firm - the arm about him rested there like it was simply meant to be. He considered them: their security, their sureness, the promise they represented to him. It was a promise he could believe because it came from a man that would never falter. A bastard who clung to the standard of his mother's name and all she taught him to have it represent. Tanner was Vin making good on a memory, an effigy of her loving touch personified.

They had talked about Vin's ma, sometimes in passing and sometimes at great length. She was a person Ezra would very much have liked to have met, if for nothing else than to say a much-deserved thanks. He owed the woman everything; she had carried within her his life.

He knew from the tone of Vin's voice and the quality that overtook the brilliant blue eyes when they had such conversations the woman had been something special. A five year old is hardly an observer objective, but there was no doubting the love Vin's ma had made certain her boy learned and understood.

She had been, like all things, fallible. Vin's memories weren't just of gossamer lullabies - there had been hard times, frightening and impossible for a young mind to comprehend. They had lived anchorless, shifting from place to place, man to man, job to job as she could find. All attempts to better herself, to ensure that more would one day be granted to her son. Most had not worked out; life had already more than half-beaten her, robbing her promise of sure safety and Vin of his father before their child had even been born. But through it all she had maintained her dignity, even if just in façade so she could maintain her cherished offspring, an impression made on Vin that had never lifted.

Ezra didn't really care what she had been, good with the bad. She had fought to keep Vin, fought to keep him alive and wonderfully she had made him something so much more.

He snuggled in closer, prying Vin's hand from his middle so he could kiss into the palm - then he pushed it back against himself with a smile. Vin's pleased laugh warmed him, had him thinking of something else.

Ezra's intentions to gain himself a kiss were interrupted when Chris cleared his throat. Ezra looked over, one brow already arched in question.

Chris' arched right back. "So, did you send one this year?"

Ezra nodded. "Always do. I selected a very lovely, very impersonal card. Flowers were delivered as well."

Chris frowned, his forehead wrinkling deep with his scowl. "She won't appreciate either."

Ezra laughed. "She never does." He sighed. "Still... it is her birthday and she is my mother."

Chris was about to make further comment but Buck interrupted him.

"Funny thing, mothers. They can be the very worst and you never stop working to believe the very best." He winked. "A' course, not so hard for me - I did have the best... the very best there ever was."

"Sure Bucklin, whatever you say," Vin needled. Before an argument could start he jostled Ezra and redirected conversation with a question. "What're the flowers for?"

"Maude. Today's her birthday." Chris voice was dry, decidedly unimpressed.

Vin took in a breath and made a sharp noise that was almost a curse. He managed to stop himself in time, amending it to a short, "Ah."

Ezra shook his head and laughed. "I've no illusions, gentlemen. But I also will not outright ignore her as she does me. Besides, think of all the wonderful mileage I get out of annoying her with reminders that she's getting older." He chuckled with somewhat repressed glee.

It wasn't long before his words sunk in and the others were laughing just as hard despite their better attempts not to.

He hummed on a long breath when the hilarity had subsided, a few errant sniggers still breaking through his growing equilibrium. He remembered something he'd been thinking on before. "Pure irony, isn't it?" he asked on another hum.

"Hunh? What is?" Buck was sitting up now, having straightened himself to wheeze in air after Chris' laughing had knocked the wind from both of them.

Ezra waved through the air in vague circles. "Maude is the only mother left standing, making the one truly lamentable quality regarding her that she might show up." His voice cracked with a laugh. "As opposed to the deserved lamentation that yours are now gone."

The last remnants of the laughter they'd shared vanished. Ezra sighed and shook his head. He hadn't meant to get maudlin or sound so defeated. He wasn't even feeling especially bothered by the statement he'd just voiced, one they all knew was true. He sifted through his mind to find something more to say, something to alleviate the sudden heaviness, to soothe the arms that now held him with a degree of agitation.

"True enough, Ez. But ya know, I'm grateful to Maude."

Ezra snorted and waited for the punch line.

"No, I mean it." Chris bobbed his head firmly. "If she was a good mother she'd never have dumped you here."

He thought it over then nodded back, growing smile loosening his features. "Why yes," Ezra murmured quietly. "Indeed."

Buck's arm crushed Chris closer to his side. He grinned. "What do you know - something in Maude's favor. A very good point," he purred. Buck winked at Ezra then waggled his brows, looking away to demonstrate his appreciation for Chris' words with a long kiss.

Ezra rolled his eyes and sighed affectionately. He felt Vin nod in agreement, felt the companionable silence come to all of them once more. He gave his attention back over to the storm and the hands that had started to trail over him with devastating lightness.

In time JD stepped out onto the porch, cowboy boots rapping dully against the wood, breaking the quiet. He had flour on his ear and his shirt was freshly stained. He grinned. "Dinner's ready."

Vin chuckled. "Think it's our turn to set the table, Ez."

Ezra groaned good-naturedly while he slid off the step he'd been using as a seat. Vin's hands gripped around his hips and he hauled them both to stand. After a last, appreciative gaze at the tumultuous storm he turned towards the house.

JD lifted his hands, palms held outward in stilling pressure. "No need - already done. Took care of it between getting the potatoes in the oven and the dessert started." He winked with a shrug. "You guys looked like you were enjoying yourselves. Wasn't a big deal to just go ahead and do."

Ezra smiled, tipping an imaginary hat. Someone else's mother had obviously had the right idea. JD's grin tripled. He started up the last step but was prevented when he ran smack into the solid, immobile back of Vin. He grunted and let himself drop back until he was standing in the yard again.

"Well, in that case, we'll see you boys inside." Vin's drawl was warm and a trace husky.

It sent a shiver up Ezra's spine.

He didn't mind the chuckles and teases, paid no heed to being made fun of. His eyes were only for Vin, turned to gaze down at him with hungered intensity.

"Don't be long - we will start without you," Chris called, the dark warning tone animated with threads of laughter.

Ezra dismissed the words with a distracted wave of his hand, then thought about them no more as Vin advanced to pull him into a deliciously smothering hold. Kisses danced across his forehead; fingers danced across his skin.

"I'm thinking if we're lucky and it does what it looks like it's busy at, that storm'll be on us in a few hours - just in time to get into bed and really do it justice."

Ezra grinned, letting his head drop into the hand that had smoothed up his spine to cup it in a sure hold. "Perfect," he whispered. He rounded his hips in small circles and tightened his arms, eyes drifting closed as he lifted for a kiss.

Vin's growl of satisfaction echoed and joined the thunder, the rumbles the last thing Ezra heard before everything else was blotted out by demanding lips and his love for this man.

End