Ivy '03: Solitary Reflections

Me and Ezra spent last night celebrating our fifth anniversary. Hard to believe we made it together this long. Last night was a memorable evening that's for sure. And I can't help but grin as I think about the dinner, dancing and just enjoying being with Ezra. God it was great night, and I'm hoping we celebrate a lot more anniversaries.

I'm sitting here flipping through the photo album doing a little reminiscing while I wait for Ezra to get out of the shower. I would have showered with him, but with the hot water heater on the fritz there isn't enough hot water for us to really enjoy it. Ezra's already got a call into the repair man to fix that puppy. Was a time when I would have tried to convince him I could fix it myself, but after that incident with the garage door, he doesn't trust me to do stuff like that around the house.

The picture of our first Christmas here at the Johanson place always makes me chuckle. JD kept calling our tree a 'Charlie Brown tree'. I felt sorry for the poor little thing when I saw it there all forlorn and lonely. I was sure Ezra would pitch a fit about it not being perfect, had my sales pitch already to win him over, but he just laughed. He and Vin had a ball trying to make it look less pathetic than it was. Only time he really bitched was when I drug it out after New Year's and it left needles all over the place.

Can't really blame him there. Wasn't safe to run around barefoot in the living room for a good two weeks afterward. Never thought we'd get rid of all those damn needles. Who'd have thought such a scrawny tree could leave so much of itself behind. Learned my lesson. From now on, I let Ezra pick out the tree.

Flipping through the pictures I spot the pictures from Halloween when Three Aces sponsored the party at the Saloon the next year. Was right after me and Ez bought the place from Inez. Couldn't believe how many people had shown up. Place was so damn crowded it's a wonder the police didn't show up to shut us down.

Even with all those people, I still noticed Chris wasn't there. Damn shame he keeps shutting us out of his life. Man is just too stubborn for his own good. Ah well, maybe one of these days he'll realize that.

Rest of the old team was there though. JD dressed as Bill Gates was just too funny. Nathan came right from the clinic, but I couldn't convince him being dressed as an EMT really qualified as a true costume. Josiah looked pretty good in his Zoot suit, complete with fedora and spats. Man, I can't imagine how many places he had to go to find a suit that would fit him. And I couldn't even begin to guess where Vin got that mountain man outfit but he was the hit of the party. Well, until me and Ezra got there.

I lick my lips seeing the shot of Ezra in his costume. The man looked incredibly sexy dressed as Robin Hood, ala Errol Flynn. I mean, I always knew the guy had great legs, but my god, those tights really showed them off beautifully. Only thing that messed it up was the fact that green tunic was long enough to cover his sweet ass. Guess I really should be grateful for that. Every woman in the place kept giving him the once over. Made me want to beat 'em off with a stick.

Using one finger, I trace a picture of Ezra smiling. Love those dimples, those twinkling green eyes. He has the most incredible smile when he really means it, which isn't often enough for my taste. Always makes me feel all warm and fuzzy to know I can make him smile like that…still, after all the time we've known each other as both friends and lovers.

When we first moved into together here I was scared to death. Only other person I'd ever lived with was JD…and hell that was just as roommates, me and Ez are so much more than that. Wanted for everything to just be perfect and I was sure I was going to mess up something somehow.

But moving into together wasn't nearly as hard as I' thought it would be. Looking back on it, I'm not sure why exactly I thought it would be hard. No, that isn't true, I know why I thought it would be awkward as hell. On the surface we seem so different.

Ezra always dressed like he stepped out of GQ when we worked for the ATF. Well at the office at least. Away from the office he had casual stuff…not as casual as the rest of us, but still more relaxed than those suits of his. And he must have had a dozen of different 'costumes' that he wore for his undercover gigs. I just figured he was a clothes horse. And I rarely wore more than jeans and t-shirts. Sort of expected Ezra to take over the closet space in the master bedroom and my stuff to get relegated to one of the spare bedrooms. Never expected to find out I had more clothes than Ezra did. I don't, not really, he just manages to organize his so that it takes up less space.

And then there was my belief that he was a neat freak. I can't honestly say why the hell I thought that. I mean, yeah the guy kept his desk in order and his townhouse was always spotless, but it wasn't like he was obsessive about it. Guess he just seemed so obsessed about it to me because I was a slob. Still am something of a slob, just not as bad as I used to be. Ezra wouldn't tolerate me leaving my clothes lying around or dirty dishes in the sink for weeks on end. And once I got over being miffed about it, I had to agree keeping things clean at home makes it a nicer place to be. Ezra only had to load all the stuff I left lying around on the living room floor into a garbage bag once for me to get the hint.

He doesn't say anything about my desk at work. I have piles and piles of stuff on it and I know where everything is. Guess he figures that as long as it works for me and doesn't mess up anything else it's okay. I leave any paperwork at home to Ezra. He's better at it than I'll ever be. Think the year after we moved in together was the first time anyone had balanced my checkbook since I first set up the account.

Kind of glad Ezra doesn't care much for TV. I run the remote and get to watch my football and baseball games without having to fight about it. He even watches with me, although more often than not he ends up napping through most of them. That doesn't bother me a bit. Love having him curl up next to me, all soft and warm.

Only time he gets physically affectionate when anyone else is around is when we're all hanging out and most of the attention is direct toward the game. Tried more than once to convince him that JD, Vin, Josiah and Nathan don't care if we hold hands or kiss, but Ezra isn't buying it. Had us one hell of an argument about it before I realized him not being into public displays was about his sense of decorum and privacy, and not a sign he didn't want others to know he was with me.

I reach out to snag the remote that operates the stereo. Ezra got one of the top of the line ones. Know he must have paid a small fortune for it because not only did it have the multiple CD changer, it had two tape decks and a player for vinyl. Knew Ezra loved me when he came home with that. Got me a collection of vinyl records that I've had since I was a kid. Love the way they sound. Not as clear as the CD's but there is no beating the sound of a good old fashioned record. Thought for sure he'd want me to throw them out, but he just keeps surprising me. Had the entertainment center designed special just to hold all my records. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.

I flip a few more pictures looking for my favorite photo. Was a charity gig that we'd been invited to. I've seen Ezra in suits many times, but that tux…oh man. I really, really love him in that tux.

It's a simple thing really…I mean, not flashy or fancy. Just your basic black jacket, black pants and shoes polished bright enough to see your reflection in. But the cut of that coat nicely emphasizes those broad shoulders and slim waist. He's got this mandarin collar shirt he wears with it. Uses some sort of fancy button stud rather than a tie. Said the stud was his grandfather's. Color of it matches his eyes…think he said the stone was jade. Don't know really, just love the way it looks. And when he wears that green vest with gold thread…Lord have mercy.

I hear the shower shut off and I close the album, putting it back on the shelf with all the others. Don't really need to look at the pictures, hell I got them all memorized and carry them around in my heart anyway. And besides, I got a living, breathing Ezra to look at…touch…maybe have my wicked way with. Better than a picture any day.